Posts Tagged ‘Satire’

NEWS!: Students Protest the Rise of Student Protests

January 2, 2009

Following a recent US News and World Report survey tracking the rise of campus activism, many Christian college students have taken to the streets to protest the “unchristianly divisive” practice of student protesting. Whether it’s global warming, global poverty, or African AIDS, left-swinging students can’t seem to get enough dissension on campus.

Christians, like Mary Davies, just can’t understand this derision. “Why can’t students accept the world the way God created it?” asks Davies, a library fiend and senior at Calvin. “Are we really to think that our plans for creation, or the poor, are better than God’s?” (more…)

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US Cuts Diplomatic Ties With Rest of World

December 9, 2008
final-world-map1
This modified world map will be used in American classrooms beginning in January.

WASHINGTON DC (AP) – In a shocking announcement yesterday, the United States of America announced that it is officially severing all ties with the rest of the world after nearly two and a half centuries of peaceful coexistence on the same planet.

US officials cited egregious rudeness and worldwide ingratitude as primary reasons for the separation as well as the rising costs of “defending the rest of the world from itself.” (more…)

Review: The Good Book – Abundant Drama, Ending Over-the-Top and Depressing

November 30, 2008

It’s the biggest best-seller the world has ever known and I had heard alot about it, so I figured I’d read a literary classic.  No, not Twilight (great read though), I’m talking about the Bible.

First of all, I was surprised by the gratuitous sex, booze, and blood that filled the first several chapters.  This mature content was completely inconsistent with the family friendly book that it professes to be (as indicated by the cute suburban family that adorned the book’s covered).

The second surprise was how hodge-podge the storylines were.  The author ties in multiple narratives, with each adding to the book’s larger mosaic.  This collage effect, however, is probably the book’s biggest weakness since it creates confusion and lacks fluidity.  The first and second half of the book are completely disjointed, and editorial influence lacks throughout, as evidenced by its voluminous length.  At one point, the author gets so desperate for material that he starts off the second half by repeating the same story four times under different male names. (more…)

Satan: Yeah I Voted for Obama, Didn’t You?

November 25, 2008

Bonjour, Konnichiwa, and Hakuna Matata.  I trust you all are feeling sufficiently miserable during this preposterous holiday season.  I mean, for the love of David Koresh, what is all this day of thanks nonsense about anyway?  Seriously, do you people really have that much to be thankful for?  I can think of only three things: high definition television, Megan Fox, and gChat.  There you go. Say thank you and get back to suffering through your laughably-short lives filled with disappointment, heartbreak, sun burns, and hang nails.

But, what am I saying?  That’s not what you came here for.  Our time is brief (and by “our” I mean “your”) so lets get down to brass tacks.  As the Prince of Darkness and Commander-in-Chief of All Evil Forces Above and Below the Earth (CCAEFABE) people are constantly pestering me with all manner of trivial and uninteresting questions.  Did you invent the Dentist?  No, but he is a close friend.  Can one actually swim in the Lake of Fire?  Yes, from 12pm-8pm daily and from 8am-10pm on the weekends.  How do you feel about the way you are portrayed in popular literature and film?  Mostly ambivalent.  R.L. Stine probably came the closest to getting me right.

Yet more than anything, people are constantly inquiring about my political leanings.  People assume that, as the CCAEFABE, I have the ability to shape coup d’etats, military juntas, and prom queen elections to my liking.  This is true only in part.  Yes, I have been a registered voter for the past two and a half centuries, and yes, I often use movies like The Golden Compass and The Da Vinci Code to speak my message to the masses, but when it comes right down to it, I’m only one principality of the underworld, and my vote counts the same as yours.  (It counts slightly more than she-devil votes as she-devils are still regarded as only 3/5 of a demon.) (more…)

The Best Kept Secret of the Church Scene (you probably wouldn’t like it)

November 20, 2008

By Dillinger Leevi – An Indie Kid

Every Sunday morning, I go to the Church of the Horsefly and the Absence (CHA).  What?  You haven’t heard of it?  Yeah, most people haven’t.  It’s not really your typical church.  I mean, it’s just so different.  You probably wouldn’t like it.

My friend Radclyffe and I totally discovered it one Sunday, after picking up the latest Radiohead album (and paying for it).  We just got so fed up with what American capitalism has done to the church scene.  Everything is so generic, and it’s all about the money.  CHA isn’t making any money, but that doesn’t matter because they love what they do.  They have a voice that needs to be heard.

The worship at CHA is so unconventional.  It’s like…well, it doesn’t really have a genre.  But if I had to compare it to something, it would probably be a combination of The Fleet Foxes, Elliott Smith, Vampire Weekend, I’m From Barcelona, M. Ward, Ratatat, Neutral Milk Hotel, Seabear, and Bright Eyes (before “I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning”).  I guess you could say it’s, like, experimental/post-tribal/anti-folk/electronica.  And the worship leader’s voice is totally unpolished, which just makes the worship that much more authentic. (more…)